Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I will be naked everywhere
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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