I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
