He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
