remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
