mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I pour the whiskey from now on
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
