I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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