is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
