Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
