Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I did not marry a roomba.
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