I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
two words: eviction party
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
