Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
