She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
