what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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