I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to make a zoo with you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
