I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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