it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
