I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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