I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
