oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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