I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
