Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
