saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize