I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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