Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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