i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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