therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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