just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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