my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
