You just made me feel so damn special
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
