dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
