Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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