i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
