Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
