I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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