ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
