i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
