dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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