you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
