I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm both gender and math confused
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
