you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize