why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
