I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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