worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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