We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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