Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
