bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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