I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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