Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
