How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
