I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
