Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
