ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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