I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
