this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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