Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
