i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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