after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
