Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
