When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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