You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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