just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize