A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we made out on top of his cat.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
