He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She has the best kind of daddy issues
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
