The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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