I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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