My sheets look like a crime scene.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
