i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
