I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize