is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
this will be a night to untag.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
