I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
