I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
