I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
