scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
