she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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