I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just had sex bonerless
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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