I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You are the jesus of drinking
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
