Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
