I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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